Finding Myself

by

Today for Mom-Monday, I want to share a post I think many of us moms can relate to (or could relate to at one point or another in our parenting journey).

It was written by Esther, the mom behind the beautiful blog, For Such a Time as This. Esther writes about a variety of topics: family, faith, parenting, her favorite things, and many more. She’s the mother of two little girls and a self-proclaimed recovering perfectionist (something I can totally relate to).

I love the way Esther writes from the heart, and I love her insights too. I’m excited to share her post with you today…

Finding Myself
 by 
Esther Feng

I miss the days when the girls couldn’t get enough of my cuddling, when they smelled like baby shampoo, and when their socks stayed white (people who don’t walk don’t have dirty socks).

baby crying, upset mother, messy roomBut I also remember the “dark side” of those early years. 

I remember stifling the need to scream after reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear over and over and over…. (A person only has so many animal voices.)

I haven’t forgotten the resentment I felt as my husband left for work; the lucky guy got to go out and see regular human beings while I wrangled two booger machines.


Lost in the midst of mothering, I prayed for God to fix my kids, fix my husband, and find me an escape hatch.

I found a few escape hatches myself. 

I made some friends in a new city. I found my creative side in scrap booking. I planned a garden. I became voracious in reading new authors. I learned how to paint a room.

But I discovered that when I walked away from those things, I wanted to go back to them. I didn’t come back to my family, wanting to love them better. I came back looking for the escape hatch again.  

I was lost, trying every door possible to escape. 

Being lost scared me. 

I needed to find myself.  

Who am I in the midst of all this mommy-ing?

My prayers morphed from pleas to change my family, to a desire to discover myself.  

I discovered the real me has nothing to do with a job, reading books, scrap booking, or coffee with friends. 

Finding myself has nothing to do with what is going on the outside, but everything to do with getting to know the God who already knows me.

God knows me when I am loving mommy-hood, and He knows me when I’ve crossed over to the dark side – and loves me anyway. God says I’m His child. God made me and knew me before time began and knows me far more than I know myself. God knows my potential, my faults, and wants to be near me anyway. 

Even in the dark side He knows me, guides me, and holds fast to me.

Check out Psalm 139 to see how well He knows you. If you’re in the throes of mothering, MOPS groups everywhere are discovering how God’s hand holds fast to you…even there.

What about you? Can you relate to Esther’s post? Take a minute to share!

If you’ve been involved with MOPS in any way, I’d love for you to share your experience with that too. (I was a Mentor Mom and Mentor Mom Coordinator for MOPS last year and can’t say enough good things about the organization. It’s great to see so many moms coming alongside each other.)

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