Happy Mom-Monday! I hope you had a great weekend.

I’ve said it before: we don’t have to be perfect parents to be good parents.

But I admit, having perfectionist tendencies, I sometimes forget that.

Sometimes, I’m too hard on myself.

Or too hard on my kids.

Sometimes, I over-parent.

And sometimes, I let things go that I shouldn’t.

As much as I’d like to be the perfect mom, I know I’m not.

And I’m learning more and more, the love between a parent and a child–a love too powerful to even put into words–sometimes shows itself most in those moments of imperfection…

in the hug you give your son because you’re not sure what to say,

in the apology you give your daughter because you lost your patience and yelled,

in the punishment you hold back because your heart tells you to show grace instead,

and in those times you don’t have any more answers…

you only have a love for your kids that will never go away.

So when I read Freeman Michaels’s (Life Coach and the author of Weight Release) article about perfect parenting being a trap, I really appreciated it.

Take a minute to read his guest post here today and then share your thoughts: Do you sometimes fall into the trap of trying too hard to be a perfect parent? How does that affect you or your kids?

When toddlers are learning to walk they fall down a lot – it is a natural part of the learning process. As a parent I remember feeling helpless to teach them and frightened that my child might hurt themselves. My kids are much bigger now, but they still fall down a lot – both literally and figuratively. I still feel a little helpless and frightened – and that is exactly how it should be. Trying to be a perfect parent is a trap – you will fail and you may inadvertently do a lot of damage to both yours and your child’s well-being. Here are five tips to help guide you out of the “perfect parent paradigm” and into a much healthier family experience:


Allow kids the dignity of their mistakes – sometimes you need to let kids flail and figure things out on their own. I view over-protective parenting is a significant problem in society today. Parents who “rescue” their children every time that they face a life challenge are robbing their kids of fundamental skills and valuable experiences. Clearly this is a balancing act, as you don’t want to be careless, but you also don’t want to be too careful. Practice standing back and observing your child struggle a little more often – this may be uncomfortable at first, but it will provide your kids with important skills for life.


Take a learning perspective towards life – mistakes when viewed accurately are tremendous opportunities for learning and growth. Successful people take reasonable risks in life. Fear of making mistakes holds so many people back – “playing it safe” is a recipe for mediocrity. When we teach our children to view mistakes as lessons, we give them a formidable advantage in life. Consider the word discipline – it comes from the word disciple, which means to teach. When a child does something “wrong” I view it as a teaching opportunity. Help your kids embrace their mistakes as an indication that they may want to try something different in the future. Never confuse shame or punishment with discipline. Constructive and reasonable consequences should consistently be applied when children misbehave.


“I don’t know” is a gift: As a man in this culture I often felt as if I was expected to know things that I couldn’t possibly know. Growing up the adult men in my life seemed to know everything. They seemed to have an answer for every question. I grew up with the burden of believing that as a man my job was to know everything. I was required to fix or solve every problem. It was not okay for me “not to know”. Whether you are raising boys or girls, I recommend that you “let them in” on your confusion. Assure them that you will “figure it out”, but let them see how you work out problems and face challenges. When your kids ask you a question empower them by asking them what they think or how they believe a given problem should be solved. Resist the temptation to be a “know it all parent” with the answers to everything.


Sorry is a blessing – don’t just tell kids to say sorry, demonstrate it by saying sorry yourself. Learning how to forgive yourself and others is a life skill that everyone needs to learn. Being a person of integrity is challenging. It is hard to take responsibility for our behavior. My wife and I are committed to accountability – we hold our children responsible for their behavior and try to model taking personal responsibility. When we acknowledge our part in an argument we build intimacy and trust. I like to say that apologizing helps us get to the “heart of the matter” – we abandon our defensive position and uncover the humanity underneath the behavior.


Your children are your master teachers – raising children is one of the most challenging things that I have every done in my life. My kids test me in every way – pushing “every button”. Taking responsibility for my reactions is hard. Most of us have learned to defend our insanity rather than explore and correct it. I want to grow as a person and my children are constantly providing me with a mirror to better view myself.


The very fact that you are reading this article is an indication that you are open to learning. Our culture has come a long way from the days when parents ruled with an iron rod and children were to be seen and not heard. However, today there is a tendency to over parent. So many of us parents are driven to try and “get it right”. But “getting it wrong” is a valuable part of the process. I recommend that you give up trying to be the perfect parent and embrace the flawed perfection in the awkward moments, gut wrenching pain and utter confusion that comes with raising children.

(Thanks, Freeman, for your guest post today!)

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