How do you know when you’re done having kids?
When my friend Stephanie at Metropolitan Mama sent me the question,
“What were the contributing factors that led to your decision to have two kids?”
I had to think about it.
While I wish I had some profound or enlightening answer, the truth is, I’m not exactly sure how Mike and I came to the decision.
We’d always talked about wanting two kids, but it was the sense that our family was complete that came after we had our son and daughter that gave us the feeling we were done.
I remember, after we had our daughter, I looked forward to having another baby. I was excited for her to have a brother or sister, and I knew in my heart I wanted more kids.
Then after our son was born, suddenly, our family felt complete.
Like we were done.
It wasn’t that he was a hard baby and scared us out of wanting more, either. He was actually pretty easy. (The first night he was born, he slept almost four hours straight and I remember Mike and I were worried that something might be wrong because our daughter had been so different–waking up every two hours!)
So, I guess I’d say having two kids wasn’t really something we decided, it was more something we felt (if that makes sense).
And it turns out that a family of four is just the right size for us. :)
Thanks, Stephanie, for asking!
What about you? How many kids do you have? Did you plan on that number or did you get surprised? And if you’re done having kids, what made you feel you were done?
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We have 5I joke that we are 5 and counting and that I'm just getting started! We have decided to trust the lord on our family size and since we've officially made that choice we have had so much peace!All our children were planned in some way although not at all how you would expect. When I had my first at 16 I mostly wanted out of being a teenager. I was done being a kid. Life up to that point had been pretty tough. I had it at the back of my mind that I needed to become a mother so I could love and be loved and not be my own mother. I thought the guy I was with wanted to be a dad too but he wasn't, he decided not to stick it out.When I met my now husband we became a family quiet quickly and we chose to have another when I was still only 18. We weren't Christian and we were already parenting so we thought why not… We found Jesus the year our second was born and for our third we prayed much. It was after her we decided to hand that part of our lives over to God.God was ever so faithful every time we had another. We love our 5 kids.Even though our begins weren't conventional and we have had to live through the consequences we are still so thankful.Right now – I'm not really feeling ready as this has been a tough year but again I trust Him. So there you have it! lol Blessings to you!Camie
I always wonder how I'm going to know when I'm done having kids. I have two kids (5 and 3) and I don't feel like I'm done yet. I think if I have a third, I'll finally feel like our family is complete.We were originally supposed to TTC last September, but after 9 months of health issues with our youngest, we were exhausted and just not ready. I get baby fever every so often, but still don't feel ready. I think we'll probably try in a year or two. A friend once told me, "You will never regret having another child, but you WILL regret not having another." I know that I would regret not having another, so I think the answer lies there for me!
Such a hard question… we currently have two. Sometimes I feel like I'm not ready, but my husband is convinced we are SO done. If we had another there would be a 9 year gap. Whoa. I wish I'd had that quiet confirmation sooner. It would make this easier.
Great questions. We have 2 kids, 6 and 4. They were "surprises" :) We felt 2 kids was the right amount for our family b/c the ratio of kids to parents would be the same. Is that a funny reason? We're happy with one girl and one boy, they bless our lives and teach us how to love more.
We have 2, a boy and a girl. Some days it feels like we're done; other days, it feels like we need one more. We can't make up our minds. In an ideal situation, we'd probably try for another one, but there are practical factors to consider, too –are we up for at least another 2 years of sleepless nights, potty training, education costs, etc.
We have three boys. I still feel the wanting for another but my husband was positive he didn't want more so he got snipped. Guess I'll have to fulfill my baby-needs through church nursery. *sigh* Either way, I'm very happy with my kiddos and do feel like our family is awesome.Thanks for sharing about your family!
Well if all would have gone as planned we would have had 6 children. But between the birth of my daughter and my 2 boys I had 3 miscarriages.By the time I had the 2 boys I was in my mid 30's and my last one really sent me for a loop. He was 11 lbs 2.5 ozs and kicked my spine out of whack, didn't sleep at night for a year and a half and frankly I was afraid, because of how large my children were getting, of having any more. That and I wasn't a spring chicken any more. So we decided 3 was enough. We would have loved for the other 3 to have happened but they didn't but we are truly blessed.This coming from someone who as a teenager didn't want any kids! Boy was I stupid. LOLHUGSKim
Hello… I'm a new reader and just wanted to say that I think I wrote this exact same post a while ago when someone asked me how I knew I was done. I felt the same way after my first as you and as soon as the second was born I felt complete. Of course having a girl and then a boy right off helped a lot. :)
Such a thought provoking question. You offered up a wonderful response!Loving your beautiful blog design!Blessings-Amanda
We have two. Two beautiful kids! Our son is eleven. Our daughter is six.When Scott and I first met, I wanted six children. When I shared that with Scott he literally laughed out loud at me! That number eventually changed to four and then to three.However, having babies was not an easy task for us. We went through fertility treatments, got pregnant and suffered a miscarriage shortly before the end of my first trimester. A couple months later, we conceived our son…and my husband was VERY proud to say we "did it on our own!" No treatments with this one!When our son was a year and a half, we got pregnant again (and on our own again) and shortly after finding out, we suffered another miscarriage.Eventually we had to resort to treatments again and our daughter was born shortly before our son's fifth birthday!When I was pregnant with our daughter, our plan was that we would not do anything to prevent another pregnancy, but that we would not do treatments again, either. We'd just let it be and let God decide.However, that plan changed.My husband is a four time cancer survivor and his initial cancer…retinal cancer…he was diagnosed with at eighteen months of age. It gave us a 50-50 percent chance of passing on to our children. We found this out towards the end of the pregnancy of our son.Our son was diagnosed with retinal cancer when he was four months old. Fortunately his tumors were located such that they were easily treated and destroyed with no permanent damage to his vision.Our daughter was born six weeks earlier than expected. She was also born with retinal cancer and this time the tumors were not as easily treated. She started chemo when she was four days old. She had eleven months of treatments, followed by radiation to both eyes.Our 50-50 was more like 100 percent for us and our plan of a possible third child was nixed. That took me a while…in fact, until just recently…to accept. I know that we cannot physically have another child. The risks for that child would be too great. However, my heart feels that there is a child out there waiting for us. My husband, however, is perfectly content with our two great kids…who, by the way are thriving despite their cancer diagnoses. They…along with my husband…are my inspirations and my pride and joy!I adore my children and love being their mom. I am perfectly happy with two. And if God decides that there is a child out there who belongs with our family, then I'll be perfectly happy with three.
Having come from families of 4 girls (me) and 5 boys/1 girl (my husband), we knew weren't done at two, although the special needs journey did force us to wait a little longer between 2 and 3 than we expected. (You might not know that, considering they're only 25 months apart, but we actually did delay by a few months LOL). At three, I feel swamped, but not "done"–just in need of a little more space. Then again, I'm already feeling the baby fever again, so who knows how long we'll actually hold off?We have always believed that children are always and unequivocally a blessing, and that the best gift we can give our children is another sibling. Having more than the "average" # of kids is really chaotic up front, but I know that in thirty years, when they're all out of the house, we are going to be so grateful that we chose to remain open to life. I know that b/c I see the heart-stopping beauty of life in my mom's family of 10 siblings, my husband's family of 6. I know that b/c I see how difficult it is for adult children to care for their parents, and it's so much easier when the responsibility is shared among several siblings.
We have six…and I've learned to never say never. I think we're done, but God may have other plans:)
I have 2 too, but I may adopt. My pregnancies were very difficult. So if the Lord blesses me with more that way it would be awesome, but we are not trying:O)That is great you have a peace about 2!!!
We have two girls. I kind of wanted a third, but my husband was completely happy with two so we stopped.
I never planned on having 5 kids. We got a bonus. However, I knew I was done when I was done and I've never changed my mind. It's a beautiful thing to know that your family is complete, isn't it?
Following from MBC (FFF Group)You can find me athttps://www.jaelcustomdesigns.comOh boy! I have (4) children 2 boys & 2 girls ages 13, 12, 10 and 2! The baby was a complete surprise we were content with three but, he's a blessing and I couldn't imagine my life without him! I actually had a list, My list was things I'd like to accomplish before I turn Thirty! Having kids was a list item. I didn't want to be pregnant after Thirty, I don't know why but it was something I was serious about and stuck to it!It all worked out because I've known my husband since I was fifteen. We were high school sweethearts and he was a part of my list too. Lol! Marriage, kids, career, home ownership, and becoming an entrepreneur were on my list! I got pregnant with my youngest when I was 29 and had him before I turned thirty and I am 100% sure our family is complete! Both hubby and I are very content with our "Fab 4"
I just got started, so I cannot tell. But like you said, somehow you will know when you are done. So I guess time will tell.
That's a very good question. We have three, and I guess, like you, it just felt like our family was complete.I passed a "Sweet Blog" award your way. I'm so glad I stumbled onto your blog. You really are a blessing. :)
Hey Genny! I know I'm not done, just not sure when to "give it a go" again LOL!! Well, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I appreciate your blog and gave you an award:https://thekingscourt4.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-feel-so-special.htmlHave a great day!
Thanks for sharing about your families, everyone! And waki04 and Raise Them Up, thanks for the sweet awards. :)
Thanks for "taking my question." :)Tim and I are planning to have at least one more child because we definitely don't feel at peace about being "done." Sometimes I wonder if I will ever feel – very clearly and confidently – done. I suppose time will tell… ;)stephanie@metropolitanmama.net
Well, my two oldest daughters are from my first marriage that only lasted five years. The next three were all somewhat planned…if no birth control constitues a plan. Now, my little Missy Moo (the two-year-old who was number six) sort of suprised me in the sense that I wonder why I waited eleven years to have another baby. If you had told me at 20 that I would have a half a dozen children, I don't think I would have believed you.
Three for me. The boy did it for me too. Complete!
We have 4 and I love babies and would have more but they do grow up and that's part that I know I'm done with… as much fun as a baby would be!My youngest is going to be in kindergarten in the Fall and I have the "completed" feeling for our family as well. However I don't think the ache or want of a baby will ever go away… :)
We have one. I can't imagine my life with any less than 3 kids – but I would really love 4-6. I guess we'll see!