Welcome Mom-Monday!  I’m glad you are here! 

I have a busy week with writing deadlines so I thought I’d combine two posts I’ve put up before about being grateful, and make a couple of quick lists we can all benefit from.

I’ve found that when I look at life through a lens of thankfulness, somehow, all the stress that comes with parenting seems to fade. (Studies have even shown that being thankful helps reduce stress hormones. What mom doesn’t need that?!)

So here’s a few tips that will help a little thanks go a long way…

5 ways to become a more grateful mom:

1. Voice your thanks. I love the quote, “Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone.” ~G.B. Stern. Don’t assume the people in your life know you are thankful for them. Tell your kids, tell your husband, tell your friends. In thanking, you will feel more thankful.

2. Quiet the negative. Try not to complain. When you stop talking about the things you’re unhappy about, or the things you feel are lacking in your life, you stop thinking about them as much too. And suddenly, your focus shifts to the positive.

3. Turn frustration into gratitude opportunities. When you look at the mess of toys all over the house, take a minute to be thankful that your kids are healthy and can play. When you look at the sink full of dishes, stop and be grateful for the food your family has to eat. Often, being grateful is just a matter of refocusing.

4. Start a gratitude journal. After you get in the habit of writing down the things you are thankful for, you’ll be surprised at how naturally this will come, and how your focus will change. (I recently started a gratitude journal after reading Ann Voskamp’s beautiful book, One Thousand Gifts. The more I think about all I have to be thankful for, the more I think about all I have to be thankful for! It’s a humbling exercise and a beautiful way to capture life.)

5.Empty, so you can fill. Take time to de-stress, work through issues, resolve difficult relationships, pray, and heal past hurts. It can be hard to be grateful if you are harboring pain, anger, guilt, or things like that. Gratefulness is a heart issue and if your heart is hurting, it can make feeling thankful really hard.

It also helps to remember we are not alone as moms. Even in bad times, remembering that others are going through what we are going through, helps. Sometimes, asking for help or connecting with others who are going through a similar situation is just the thing we need to give us enough encouragement to be able to feel hopeful and thankful again. :)

5 ways to raise more grateful kids:

1. Model thankfulness. When the server at the restaurant does a great job, write a thank you note on the receipt and let your kids see you doing it. Ask to see the manager and thank them for the excellent service. When you go out of your way to show thankfulness, your kids learn just by watching.

2. Thank your kids. Get a whiteboard and write notes of thanks to them. Notes like, “Thank you for making your bed so nicely,” or, “Thank you for clearing your plate and loading it in the dishwasher. That was very responsible.” Words of thanks are always words of encouragement. (And a motivation to do the right thing next time!)

3. Have your kids work for their privileges rather than just giving them what they want. If your son wants to download a new song on iTunes, have him earn the money to do it first. Or if your daughter wants a new toy, set a goal for her to reach before you buy it for her (i.e. make your bed every day without being asked, or something similar). Your kids will appreciate things more if they have to wait for them, or work for them.

4. Teach your kids to serve others. Take them on volunteer projects with you. Have them sign up for a regular volunteer role at church. Help them clean out their toys to donate to children who don’t have any. Teach your kids to go out of their way for others, like pulling the neighbors weeds or bringing the newspaper off the driveway when they walk up to a friend’s house. The more they serve and give, the more thankful they will be.

5. Test it out. Try this exercise: Take a timer and set it for three minutes. Then tell your kids they can complain for three minutes solid. Tell them to focus on the negative and all the things they aren’t happy with. Then reset the time and do the opposite. Have them talk about ALL they are thankful for, and all that is good in their lives. Encourage them and share your own thankful list too. After the three minutes is up, talk about it: How did it feel to focus on the negative, and then how did it feel to focus on the positive and being thankful? (There really is science behind an attitude of gratitude; it does feel better when you are thankful!)

Thanks for stopping by for Mom-Monday – a day for mom-stories, tips, articles and inspiration!

To join in, all you have to do is add your URL to the link list below and put my button anywhere on your site. It’s as simple as that; no post necessary. Just an easy way for moms to connect with other moms!

Welcome to Mom-Monday. I’m glad you’re here!

A few weeks ago, after I spoke to a group of moms, one of the women in the audience came up to me and shared some of the challenges she’d been going through with her twelve year old. Fighting tears, she told me she wasn’t sure how to handle his behavior.

I could tell she wanted to parent her son in the best way possible. But I could also tell she was questioning herself and doubting how she’d been handling things. (What mom hasn’t been there at one point or another?)

She talked, and I listened, and we hugged, and I told her that she was a good mom. I saw how concerned she was and how much she wanted to do the right thing.

I wished I had the “one answer” for her, but like so many parenting challenges, there wasn’t a cookie-cutter solution.

And even though I wasn’t able to give her anything more than a few suggestions of what I might do in her situation, I saw hope in her eyes when she left–the hope that comes from telling someone else your struggles.

And as I drove home that morning, I thought about some of the times I’ve been in the same place that woman was: grappling with how to handle a situation with my kids, wanting so badly to know the right answer.

And I thought about the advice one of my friends gave me a while ago about parenting:

“When in doubt, just love them.”

Just love them.

No matter how many books we read, or how many kids we raise, none of us has all the right answers all the time when it comes to parenting. Yes, there is much we can learn and yes, there are definitely things we should do and not do (I’m not saying take a wing-it approach to raising your kids).

But there is also grace in the journey.

And love.

And you shouldn’t beat yourself up about not being a perfect mom.

In fact, sometimes it’s not the big, intentional lessons we set out to teach our kids that make the biggest difference.

Often, it’s the small, everyday things…

I remember a while ago when my daughter Katie and I were out grocery shopping. She stopped in the parking lot and told me to wait a minute. Then she turned and ran in the opposite direction, a couple cars over. She bent down, picked up a piece of half-crumpled paper that was on the ground, and ran back over to me.

“Had to pick this up,” she said.

And I realized… those times I’ve stopped and picked litter up off the ground… she noticed.

Then, a couple days later, she and Luke went to the snack bar at the gym while I sat at a table nearby. I’d given them $5.00 to split a smoothie. When she came back and sat down, I asked her if she’d gotten any change.

She smiled and said, “Yeah, but I put in the tip jar.”

And again, I thought…she sees when I do that.

These weren’t lessons I deliberately set out to teach her.

They weren’t things I read about in books or learned in a parenting class.

They were things I just did.

And seeing her do them too was a reminder of how everyday things can impact our kids.

Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.~Robert Fulghum

Okay, I know; they notice when we don’t handle things in the best way too. To be honest, sometimes I look at that quote by Fulghum and think…. the responsibility of being a mom. The pressure. And it reminds me of how hard we can be on ourselves sometimes. (It’s a lot to know our kids are always watching us, right?)

But sometimes, it’s our lack of perfection that can provide the biggest opportunities for teaching.

Here are some of my thoughts from my book Finding Mommy Bliss:

I’m the first to admit; I don’t always make the right decisions. And, like that day in Target with the Nerf gun, there have been times I’ve had to apologize and admit my mistakes to my kids.

But here’s the important thing: we don’t need to beat ourselves up. We need to learn from our mistakes and move on, striving to do better next time. I know my Target example is silly, but whatever mistakes you feel like you’ve made as a mom, forgive yourself.

Move on, try your best, and do it differently next time. Our kids can learn from our good examples and our mistakes. And when we are real and admit when we are wrong, they will see that we are human and that sometimes we mess up too.

And that kind of humility breeds grace, and bliss.

(You can read more about my Target story by downloading my book via the free Snippet app in the app store, but the point of what I’m saying is grace and love for yourself and your kids is often the better answer!)

And that’s what I wanted to pass on to you today–just a small reminder that we don’t have to be perfect moms and dads (is there such a thing?) to have a positive impact on our kids. :)

What about you? Are you being too hard on yourself as a parent right now? What are some things you’ve seen that have had a positive impact on your kids? Take a minute and share! 

Thanks for stopping by for Mom-Monday – a day for mom-stories, tips, articles and inspiration!

To join in, all you have to do is add your URL to the link list below and put my button anywhere on your site. It’s as simple as that; no post necessary. Just an easy way for moms to connect with other moms!

GRACE IS…

the unexplainable hope
that washes away
the accusing whispers that dance in the darkness
and hide behind the mirror
and say, “You need to be thinner
and thinner
and thinner.”

Grace…
is the light that calls you
toward something so good that you’re scared to trust it.
You might even ignore it at first,
thinking it’s not for you…

READ MORE about my journey with grace over 5MinutesforFaith today. Hope to see you there.

Creating Quality Time by Ignoring the Clock…

One Saturday, when my daughter and I were out running errands, she climbed into the front of the car and with a huge smile on her face, stood up through the sunroof. “I’ve always wanted to do this!” she shouted, reaching her hands to the sky.

Even though we weren’t moving (we were parked in front of a store), she was having a blast.

“This is so fun!” she laughed.

And that’s how our whole morning went.

She and I had started out earlier to run errands…

I had my list of things to do and was looking forward to being productive.

But a few minutes after leaving the house, as we neared the Starbucks around the corner, a thought came to me…

READ THE REST OF THE STORY over at Mamapedia Voices (a great site for moms). I’m excited to be over there today and hope you join me!

This dream of being a writer – it’s been around a long time, though  it has evolved over the years.

And lately I’ve been thinking about the journey I’ve had.

(Being part of Holley Gerth’s God-Sized Dream Team has helped me to pause and reflect. It’s funny how when you’re on the path of pursuing your dream, whether you’re just starting out or feel like you’re finally living it, you sometimes forget to take note of all that’s happening, or all that has happened, along the way.)

My dream of writing began when I was a new mom and my life was filled with diaper bags, baby toys, a lack of sleep… and a fire in my heart to write children’s books. (Actually, the desire to write started way before that when I was in first grade and wrote this story. It just took me a while–as in many years–to circle back around and re-discover my passion.)

And when I did, I launched ahead, full of excitement (and totally naive).  You can read more about that below.

Since that time, there have been many rejection letters, plenty of stops and starts, and several challenges to overcome. Yet there have also been close relationships built, precious friendships nurtured, and thousands of hours spent writing, which has improved my craft.

And, yes, in case you’re wondering… there have been books . :)

But maybe the most important thing that has happened throughout my writing journey is the way living out my passion and dream has impacted my life.

Because when you say yes to what you are called to do and just start, there is nothing else like it.

(Even if you do experience failure along the way.)

So today, I’m sharing an old post (below) to hopefully encourage you if you’re in that place I once was–pursuing your dream, but running into setbacks.

Have faith and journey on,

because even failure can be sweet. Here is a post I wrote back in 2008…

Failure can be sweet? 

I attended a writing conference last weekend and was inspired by talking with the Kirby Larson, Newberry award winning author of the incredible book Hattie Big Sky.

Kirby’s writing, and her own story about her path to success, made me even more determined to stay focused on my goals. And after the privilege of having coffee with her after the conference, and talking a little about my own writing journey, I realized just how much my perspective has changed since I first began writing…

It can take years to get a book published?

Hundreds of rejection letters?

No kidding?

Well, not me.

One year, tops. That’s what I’ll give it.

I have to be honest; that was my naive thought process when I first started writing. I had quit my career at Hewlett-Packard to stay home with my daughter, and reading books to her during her first couple of years made me realize I wanted to be a children’s author.

After hearing Shelia Walsh speak at a conference and being inspired to start writing, I couldn’t get my ideas on paper quickly enough.

I sent my manuscripts out to publishers, and waited excitedly for the book contract that I was sure would come.

Several rejection letters later, my one year deadline came and went.

That was years ago.

And though the journey of writing has had its stops  and starts (and fair share of disappointment), it has been incredibly fulfilling to be able to do what I love, balancing writing into slivers of time between diapers and bottles, preschool and naps, sports and homework.

After years of what could be looked at as failure (i.e. no book contracts), I’ve realized how much I’ve learned.

I’ve learned the true meaning of perseverance and what it’s like to keep going, even when the odds seem to be against you.

I’ve learned to find time for my passion, even when there isn’t time to be found.

I’ve learned that 50 rejection letters isn’t many.

I’ve learned that 100 rejection letters isn’t many.

I’ve learned how to pick myself up and dust myself off after disappointment. And I’ve learned that I’m a lot tougher than I thought.

I’ve learned to appreciate the accomplishment of other writers, because I know the hard work that goes before the glory.

And I’ve learned that something good really can come out of something bad. Like the time I got a two-page rejection letter on my middle grade novel when I first sent it to a publisher. I opened the envelope with trembling hands, went into the pantry (the only place I could go and not be interrupted by the kids), and cried my eyes out for thirty minutes. But once I got past the emotion of it, I realized the letter was like gold–it contained valuable suggestions for revisions from a top editor, and it was those revisions that helped to make the story what it is now.

Sure, I wouldn’t have minded getting a book contract during that first year.

Or the second year, or the third… (you get the point).

But, I have to say, standing where I am today and looking back over this whole process, I can honestly be grateful for the failure I’ve experienced.

Without it, success wouldn’t taste as sweet.

Without it, when my kids face disappointment, like not making the swim team or not winning a game, I wouldn’t be able to say, “I know how that feels,” and really mean it.

I wouldn’t be able to tell them, “Never give up,” and know that I’m setting an example.

And I’ve come to realize that, whatever the dream, the process of getting there can be just as important as the end result.

And that, believe it or not, failure actually can be sweet.

So if you’re working toward a goal and it’s taking longer than you thought, or you keep hitting a wall, hang in there.

Hang in there, have faith, and enjoy the journey.

Won’t you stop by Holley’s place, join us, and link up today?

And be sure to check out her book You Were Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has For You (it is SO good!) and open your own door to the possibilities ahead!

Thanks for stopping by for Mom-Monday – a day for mom-stories, tips, articles and inspiration!

To join in, all you have to do is add your URL to the link list below and put my button anywhere on your site. It’s as simple as that; no post necessary. Just an easy way for moms to connect with other moms!

I was so excited when Holley invited us to write about our favorite non-profit today.

If you’ve been here for a while, you know how I first got involved with the issue of child trafficking. And you also know how helping at the non-profit Courage Worldwide has changed my life.

The more I use my passion and talents to help these kids, the more I know I’m living my life’s purpose. It’s an incredible thing when you are able to pursue your dreams and use your gifts to help others at the same time.

It changes lives, including your own.

The issue of trafficking has rocked my world and touched my everyday experiences. When you become aware of the fact that approximately 4.5 million people around the world are being trafficked for sex and 98% of them are women and children (2012 California Human Trafficking Report), it changes you.

And then when you learn that, in the United States alone, approximately 100,000 to 300,000 domestic children are being trafficked,

and you also learn that number isn’t even close to the real statistics because this is such a hidden crime,

you are stunned.

And then… you learn that kids in your own city and neighborhood are being trafficked,

right now,

and you can’t not get involved.

At least that’s what happened for me.

And here I am, a few years after joining the fight against trafficking with my eyes wide open to the reality that so many children face.

And with my heart on fire to help these kids.

If you feel the same way and want to get involved or learn more, visit the amazing non-profit Courage Worldwide’s website. There are many ways you can help, whether you’re a parent, student, business, church, school… whatever.

I know the issue of child trafficking is difficult, and even paralyzing at times, but you can make a difference.  Whether you want to learn more and help spread the word, do something in your community to raise funds, make a donation, or volunteer… there really is an opportunity for everyone to help.

I believe in a world where children will not be trafficked. Will you believe with me?

Won’t you stop by Holley’s place, join us, and link up today? We’re sharing a whole list of amazing non-profits!

And be sure to check out her book You Were Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has For You (it is SO good!) and open your own door to the possibilities ahead!

All you amazing mamas… you are mighty.

Take a minute to watch this video and be reminded that it’s all worth it. And that being a mom is no ordinary job. (Hat tip to Kelley Matthews for sending this my way.)

Happy Mother’s Day!

Another inspirational piece: When I became a mother, over at (in)courage.

*Mom-Monday will be back next week. :)

I’m so excited to share that my friend and fellow MomInitiative writer, Julie Sanders, has a new book out:  EXPECTANT: 40 Devotions for New and Expectant Moms!

Today, for Mom-Monday, Julie is spending some time here sharing a little about the book, her heart, and some of her experiences with motherhood.

Enjoy! (And don’t forget to link up below, and head over to Julie’s site and also The Mom Initiative more more mom-spiration today!)

Q&A with Author Julie Sanders

Q: Tell us what we can expect from EXPECTANT.

A: EXPECTANT is a collection of 40 devotions for new and expectant moms that uses transparent stories and biblical truth to offer hope and wisdom to women transitioning into motherhood. If you have dreams and hopes of what mothering will be, your heart is already Expectant.

Women enter motherhood in a variety of ways, so EXPECTANT shares encouragement for every mom as she grows into being a mother. That may mean she grows a pregnant belly or a home study for adoption, but she will grow. By talking about real issues like changes in your body, your marriage, your work, and your schedule, EXPECTANT helps new moms think through necessary transitions to find hope and confidence right there on the changing table or playground.

Each journey into motherhood is unique, but every mother’s heart is expectant.

Q: How is motherhood different than you expected?

A: I knew I would love our children, but I never imagined how much I would enjoy our children. Every season has been amazing, but moving through the changes of childhood, along with the accidents and surprises, has kept me prayerful. Being a mom is great for your prayer life!

Being a mom has stretched me more personally than I ever expected. God uses motherhood to expose my weaknesses, my failures, and my sin. While I’ve been watching our kids grow, God has been growing my heart and life.

Q: What was most difficult for you during the “young years?” How did you grow as a mother?

When I delivered our first baby, it was quite a finale to our pregnancy! Nothing happened the way we anticipated. I was left with fear and disappointment, and it took a long time for me to feel whole again. Feeling fragile was not only hard, it wasn’t what I expected.

I always wanted to have children, but I also loved being a teacher. Making a transition to spending the day with the baby at home was not as easy as I thought it would be, and before long I found myself over-committed and worn out. I was challenged to take a close look at where I found my identity and where I placed my trust. Motherhood turned out to be as much about growing me as growing our children.

To read more and to purchase your copy for $4.99 on Kindle,  stop by the EXPECTANT page! I’ve read this book, and I loved it. Julie talks candidly and openly about things like a mom’s changing body and relationships, and she also provides practical wisdom for everyday living–from nutrition, to getting on a schedule, to reading with your kids. Julie’s encouragement, honesty about her own parenting journey, and uplifting words, will inspire expectant moms everywhere!

Thanks for stopping by for Mom-Monday – a day for mom-stories, tips, articles and inspiration!

To join in, all you have to do is add your URL to the link list below and put my button anywhere on your site. It’s as simple as that; no post necessary. Just an easy way for moms to connect with other moms!

LOOKING FOR MORE MOM-INSPIRATION TODAY? STOP BY THE MOM INITIATIVE TO LINK UP AND DISCOVER MORE INSPIRING AND ENCOURAGING MOM-POSTS!

This weekend, as I listened to some of the amazing women of (in)courage share their hearts, their stories, their struggles, and their successes at inRL, I was reminded of the importance of friendship.

And the importance of staying connected to one another, and to community.

So, today, I wanted to post one of my favorite friendship stories. I’ll never forget these two girls on the train to San Francisco…

The story about the two friends on the train to San Francisco

Shortly after we boarded the train to San Francisco last week, we went to the Café car to get some coffee and breakfast.

We were standing in line when the girl in front of us tapped the girl in front of her on the back. When the girl turned around, her face lit up.

“Oh my GOSH!” she shouted. She held out her arms.

They laughed and hugged.

“Oh my gosh! I can’t believe this! Where are you headed?”

“The financial district!” They grabbed each other’s hands.

“Me too!” They hugged again.

And again.

(As my daughter said afterwards, “They sure made a scene, Mommy.”)

A beautiful scene.

The man at the register waited patiently for them to finishing hugging so they could order. (Though I don’t think he minded the wait. He was smiling just as much as everyone else was.)

Finally, the girls turned to him.

“This is my BEST friend,” one of them said. She put her arm around the other girl’s shoulder.

I smiled and fought the lump in my throat.

As they finished ordering, I heard one of them say, “This is perfect. We can sit together!”

I had to ask…

“So you guys didn’t know you were both going to be on the train?”

“We had no idea!” They laughed.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen each other?”

And this is what really got me…

“About six weeks.”

Six weeks?

By the way they acted, I would’ve guessed it had been way longer.

“How neat,” I said, hoping they didn’t notice my watery eyes.

Just then, their food was ready.

They got their things, waved to the rest of us in line, and headed out of the Cafe car smiling and laughing.

I stood there, looking at the man ready to take my order, blinking back tears.

Because that might’ve been one of the sweetest encounters of friendship I’ve ever seen.

And it made me think of my own friends.

It made me remember when my friend Jen moved to New Jersey, and how hard we cried when we said goodbye. And how much I miss her.

It made me remember how my heart ached when my friend Lisa was diagnosed with breast cancer. And how much her strength and recovery inspired me.

It made me think about my friend Amy and how she and I still laugh about things we did in fourth grade. And all the memories we’ve shared since then.

It made me appreciate all they ways my friends have touched my life…bringing meals over when my kids were born, calling when I was going through something difficult, celebrating birthdays and successes.

And if I had to guess, I’d say those girls I saw on the train probably have a pretty special friendship.

They probably don’t compete with each other.

They’re probably truly happy for one another when something good happens.

They’ve probably seen each other at their worst, and instead of judging or criticizing, have helped each other to pull out of it. And supported each other through it.

Because that’s what friendship is really about.

And seeing them that day made me even more grateful for the friends in my own life.

The friends I’d love to run into.

Anytime. :)

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Thanks for stopping by for Mom-Monday – a day for mom-stories, tips, articles and inspiration!

To join in, all you have to do is add your URL to the link list below and put my button anywhere on your site. It’s as simple as that; no post necessary. Just an easy way for moms to connect with other moms!

Because I’m a destination type of person (and because I always need the reminder to slow down and enjoy the journey)…

Won’t you stop by Holley’s place, join us, and link up today? We’re sharing bits and pieces of creativity… along with dreams.

And be sure to check out her book You Were Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has For You (it is SO good!) and open your own door to the possibilities ahead!

Oh and if you’re wondering what the #mommybliss is about, that’s the realization of one of my dreams. Find out about my book Finding Mommy Bliss here. 

Related posts on pursuing dreams:

Dear Chihuahua of Fear…

A letter to the God-Sized Dreamers

My God-Sized Dream

About my dream of being a writer

On Being a Fanner of Dreams