Words.

Happy Mom-Monday! I hope you had a great weekend.

I’ve said it before: we don’t have to be perfect parents to be good parents.

But I admit, having perfectionist tendencies, I sometimes forget that.

Sometimes, I’m too hard on myself.

Or too hard on my kids.

Sometimes, I over-parent.

And sometimes, I let things go that I shouldn’t.

As much as I’d like to be the perfect mom, I know I’m not.

And I’m learning more and more, the love between a parent and a child–a love too powerful to even put into words–sometimes shows itself most in those moments of imperfection…

in the hug you give your son because you’re not sure what to say,

in the apology you give your daughter because you lost your patience and yelled,

in the punishment you hold back because your heart tells you to show grace instead,

and in those times you don’t have any more answers…

you only have a love for your kids that will never go away.

So when I read Freeman Michaels’s (Life Coach and the author of Weight Release) article about perfect parenting being a trap, I really appreciated it.

Take a minute to read his guest post here today and then share your thoughts: Do you sometimes fall into the trap of trying too hard to be a perfect parent? How does that affect you or your kids?

When toddlers are learning to walk they fall down a lot – it is a natural part of the learning process. As a parent I remember feeling helpless to teach them and frightened that my child might hurt themselves. My kids are much bigger now, but they still fall down a lot – both literally and figuratively. I still feel a little helpless and frightened – and that is exactly how it should be. Trying to be a perfect parent is a trap – you will fail and you may inadvertently do a lot of damage to both yours and your child’s well-being. Here are five tips to help guide you out of the “perfect parent paradigm” and into a much healthier family experience:


Allow kids the dignity of their mistakes – sometimes you need to let kids flail and figure things out on their own. I view over-protective parenting is a significant problem in society today. Parents who “rescue” their children every time that they face a life challenge are robbing their kids of fundamental skills and valuable experiences. Clearly this is a balancing act, as you don’t want to be careless, but you also don’t want to be too careful. Practice standing back and observing your child struggle a little more often – this may be uncomfortable at first, but it will provide your kids with important skills for life.


Take a learning perspective towards life – mistakes when viewed accurately are tremendous opportunities for learning and growth. Successful people take reasonable risks in life. Fear of making mistakes holds so many people back – “playing it safe” is a recipe for mediocrity. When we teach our children to view mistakes as lessons, we give them a formidable advantage in life. Consider the word discipline – it comes from the word disciple, which means to teach. When a child does something “wrong” I view it as a teaching opportunity. Help your kids embrace their mistakes as an indication that they may want to try something different in the future. Never confuse shame or punishment with discipline. Constructive and reasonable consequences should consistently be applied when children misbehave.


“I don’t know” is a gift: As a man in this culture I often felt as if I was expected to know things that I couldn’t possibly know. Growing up the adult men in my life seemed to know everything. They seemed to have an answer for every question. I grew up with the burden of believing that as a man my job was to know everything. I was required to fix or solve every problem. It was not okay for me “not to know”. Whether you are raising boys or girls, I recommend that you “let them in” on your confusion. Assure them that you will “figure it out”, but let them see how you work out problems and face challenges. When your kids ask you a question empower them by asking them what they think or how they believe a given problem should be solved. Resist the temptation to be a “know it all parent” with the answers to everything.


Sorry is a blessing – don’t just tell kids to say sorry, demonstrate it by saying sorry yourself. Learning how to forgive yourself and others is a life skill that everyone needs to learn. Being a person of integrity is challenging. It is hard to take responsibility for our behavior. My wife and I are committed to accountability – we hold our children responsible for their behavior and try to model taking personal responsibility. When we acknowledge our part in an argument we build intimacy and trust. I like to say that apologizing helps us get to the “heart of the matter” – we abandon our defensive position and uncover the humanity underneath the behavior.


Your children are your master teachers – raising children is one of the most challenging things that I have every done in my life. My kids test me in every way – pushing “every button”. Taking responsibility for my reactions is hard. Most of us have learned to defend our insanity rather than explore and correct it. I want to grow as a person and my children are constantly providing me with a mirror to better view myself.


The very fact that you are reading this article is an indication that you are open to learning. Our culture has come a long way from the days when parents ruled with an iron rod and children were to be seen and not heard. However, today there is a tendency to over parent. So many of us parents are driven to try and “get it right”. But “getting it wrong” is a valuable part of the process. I recommend that you give up trying to be the perfect parent and embrace the flawed perfection in the awkward moments, gut wrenching pain and utter confusion that comes with raising children.

(Thanks, Freeman, for your guest post today!)

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Welcome to Mom-Monday! I’m glad you’re here.

We were on the way to my sister’s house to celebrate an early Christmas.

“Remember your manners,” I told the kids as we drove. “And don’t forget to say thank you for dinner.”

“Don’t worry, Mom,” my daughter said. “You guys have taught us well. We can do it on our own without you reminding us.”

Mike and I looked at each other. “Good,” I said, smiling. I leaned back and basked in the moment.

Could it be, with our kids eight and ten years old now, that we’ve passed that stage of needing to remind them of things all the time?

Could it be, after years of energy and effort and sometimes frustration, that the things we’ve been trying to teach them are really a part of who they are?

Am I at the stage where I start to let go?

It was awesome to consider.

Letting go.

But as I sat there, smiling and thinking about what my daughter said, that song by Trace Adkins, You’re Gonna Miss This, came on the radio.

“You’re gonna miss this…” I listened.

And I knew it was true.

All the younger years of parenting that Mike and I have been through so far–years filled with training, discipline, reminding, endless effort and sometimes little reward–I will miss them. Because they’ve been years of magical milestones and closeness, too.

I look forward to the pre-teen years that are around the corner, and I’m happy and proud of the people my kids are becoming.

But I’m sad, too.

Because as they grow more independent and need less reminders, I’m acutely aware of how fast time is passing.

And even though it’s amazing to see my kids growing, in some crazy way, I know I’m going to miss this…

this age,

this time,

this phase of parenting.

It’s a funny thing, this motherhood…

One minute you wish your kids would hurry up and get older so things will be less crazy, less demanding, less of a balancing act.

But then they do get older and you’re struck by how fast they’ve grown.

And you remember, as you stare out the car window on your way to a Christmas dinner, with a smile on our face and a lump in your throat, the days when they were tiny and just learning to talk.

The days when they were just learning to say thank you.

What about you? What phase of parenting are you in? What do you think you’ll miss most about it?