She hasn’t been feeling well and we just finished watching Marmaduke together. As soon as the movie ended, her eyes closed.
As I look at her–the peaceful expression on her face, her arms curled around a blanket, the fact that she’s so tall now she almost takes up the whole length of the couch–I smile.
Why did I hesitate when she asked me to sit with her?
Why was my first reaction that I didn’t have time to watch a movie in the middle of the day?
I have to be honest. When I told her yes and we started the movie, my thoughts wandered…
I should be working on my article that’s due Friday.
I should be writing that query for my manuscript.
Why does it sometimes take these quiet, still moments for me to realize that the best thing I could be doing is just being with my kids?
Part of it is the way I’m wired. It’s not easy for me to sit still and not be productive. I wish I was better at taking time to relax.
But part of it is the dreams…
I’ve got dreams on fire in my heart and I want to do more with them.
I want to reach out to others through my words and books.
I want to make a difference in the world.
Sometimes as a mom, I get impatient, wishing I had more time to focus on those dreams and help them happen.
And then I have a moment like today…
sitting here, looking at my daughter who is quickly approaching the teenage years,
and I realize that my dreams are happening,
Every life experience is building, one upon the other, to make me the person–the mom and the writer–I am meant to be.
And suddenly I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not be able to put my whole heart into any dream if I didn’t first feel like I was putting my whole heart into my kids.
And by taking time with them–whether it’s watching a movie in the middle of the day or not–I am making a difference in the world,
by making a difference in their lives.
Sometimes, I just need to be reminded of that. :)